Today is International Women’s Day and I thought it was a poignant time to write this blog post that has been brewing in my head and heart for a while now. As you may have noticed, there has been a lull in my blog posts lately. Plain and simple, I’m beyond the point of burnout and my mind, body and soul needs a break. I didn’t realize how much stress I’ve been under for the past couple of years until recently when I have made a conscious effort to take better care of myself. I knew that something was wrong with how I felt, but I couldn’t put my finger on the source. Was it the fact that I work full-time at a very fast-paced and challenging company? Was it that I never get eight hours of sleep? Was it that I’m not a breakfast eater and that’s supposedly the most important meal of the day? Was it the turbulence in my relationships? Was it worrying about my family? Was it worrying about my own health issues? Was it my fluctuating weight, yet again? Was it approaching my mid-forties? What the hell was it that was driving me insane from the inside out?
Well, the answer is ME. I’ve been driving myself crazy. I’m my own worst critic. I worry about everyone, except myself. The hamster wheel in my head is constantly running. I “what if” myself to death over the littlest things and most of the time, it’s all for nothing. My anxiety has been through the roof and for what? What was I trying to accomplish? Trying to please everyone else, but myself. Keeping the peace for everyone else, but my inner peace was in shambles. Carrying the weight of the world in the knots in my shoulders. Going on emotional eating binges and then hating what I saw in the mirror. Trying so hard to keep it all together and not showing anyone the cracks in my fragile shell.
This is who we are. We are the peacemakers. We are the keepers of the keys. We are the strongholds of families. We are the rocks in partnerships. We are the planners. We are the hands to hold in times of life and death. We are the roots of strength. We are the women of the earth.
Yet, when we break down and burn out, who holds our hand? Who leads us away from that teetering emotional precipice? Who keeps us from burning to ashes and blowing away? Truly, it is ourselves. We burn ourselves to the ground and then rise from the ashes bolder and stronger than before. We step away from the emotional abyss and change our direction, leaving the scarring past in the rear view. This has been my journey of late. Still smoldering in the cinders of regrets and bad decisions, but sifting through the ashes to find the one spark that will reignite me.
Thank you for walking this path with me. I appreciate your support.